How to Have a Real Conversation With a Returning Mum Without Walking on Eggshells

When a team member returns from maternity leave, many leaders quietly worry:
“What can I say? What if I say the wrong thing?”

So, they play it safe, keep conversations light, focus on tasks, and avoid anything that might feel personal.
But here’s the truth: avoiding real conversations is what creates distance, not safety.

The real problem isn’t communication, it’s disconnection.

When a working mum returns, she’s often managing more than a change in schedule. She’s navigating a full identity shift: juggling home, work, and the quiet guilt of “not being enough” anywhere.
At the same time, her leader is under pressure to keep performance high and the team balanced. It’s no wonder both sides feel misunderstood.

The result? Surface-level check-ins, growing tension, and a slow erosion of trust.

Here’s how to do it differently and it starts with one conversation.

Next time you sit down with a returning team member, try this simple framework:

1. Start with curiosity, not assumptions.
   Instead of “How’s it going?”, try:
   “What’s feeling most manageable right now and what’s been unexpectedly hard?”
   You’ll get a far more honest (and useful) answer.

2. Focus on reintegration, not performance.
   Early conversations should be about settling in, not measuring up.
   Ask: “What would make this transition feel smoother for you?”

3. Name the elephant in the room.
   If you sense discomfort or guilt, acknowledge it with empathy.
   “Many parents tell me the first few weeks can feel like a rollercoaster. How are you finding it so far?”
   Sometimes, just saying it out loud is enough to release the tension.

These small shifts rebuild connection fast and that’s what drives retention, trust, and long-term performance.

The takeaway

It’s not about having the perfect conversation.
It’s about having an honest one.
When leaders learn how to communicate with empathy and clarity, everyone wins: the mum, the team, and the business.

If you’re an HR leader or manager who wants to build confidence in these conversations, my Confident Return coaching helps you do exactly that, with tools to support returning mums, increase engagement, and retain top talent.